Good News!

Thanks to me, the Braves are off to a blazing start. They are now 2-0 with me in attendance in 2010. That puts them on pace for 162 wins, which would almost certainly have them in the hunt for the wild card, if not the division crown.

In related news, with me in attendance, rookie phenom Jason Heyward is now batting .375 with a homer, a double, 2 runs, and 5 RBI. Thanks mainly to my being in the building, Mr. Heyward is now on pace for a batting title, 81 homers, 81 doubles, 162 runs, and 405 RBI. You're welcome, kid.

The Braves might want to look into paying me to come to games. I probably won't make it tonight, so good luck, fellas. You're probably going to need it.

P.S. These pictures are from opening day. The second is a high resolution picture of Heyward's first Major League at-bat, just seconds before he blasted Carlos Zambrano's "pitch" over the right field wall. Yeah, my camera rocks.