I Am Superman

OMG...what a dork...who strikes this pose?

Let's get one thing straight. I have never liked Tim Tebow. I could not stand Tim Tebow when he was at Florida. It wasn't personal, but anyone that helps the Gators beat the Dawgs year after year is never getting a friend request from me. To this day, I'll never understand why A.J. Green gets a personal foul for a phantom gesture after a touchdown and Tim Tebow gets off scott-free after every post-play Gator chomp celebration.

All that said, the media's determination to see him fail has absolutely mystified me. They all seem to preface their criticisms with "he's a great guy, but..." But that doesn't change the fact that most of them haven't played a down of football as an NFL quarterback. Nor does a "but" change the fact that countless players have revolutionized the position by defying conventional wisdom (see Fran Tarkenton, Joe Montana, Steve Young, Tom Brady, Michael Vick, etc.). I'm not a conspiracy theorist that thinks it's an anti-Christian movement in the media (though I don't think that scores him any points).

Criticize his throwing motion or his decision-making. That's all fair game (though I trust NFL quarterbacks with this analysis more than Merrill Hodge, Colin Cowherd, or Scott Van Pelt). But when the media and various analysts say anyone "can't" do something, I have a problem as an American. I still believe this is a land of opportunity and anyone can work to better themselves and their standing in society. God forbid an NFL team give their first round draft pick a few years to develop.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not pretending his performance against Miami was good in any way. Nor do I pretend that the "W" in the win column for the Broncos is evidence that he is the answer. All I am saying is that as someone that watched him defy the odds for several years in the SEC and as someone that has heard all the raves about him working his tail off at the pro level (as many of you have), I'm not counting this kid out until he's over 30 and unemployed (in the NFL...there's nothing wrong with being over 30 and unemployed in other careers, of course). If there is one annoying jerk-face that can overcome physical limitations (a la Tom Dempsey, Doug Flutie, Barry Sanders, etc....not that they're annoying jerk-faces), it is Tim Tebow. I don't say this with any pleasure, but rather begrudgingly. This kid is a freak of nature that works really, really, really hard. He cries like a baby when he loses, but he works really, really, really hard.

As a Dawgs fan, I wanted nothing more than for the Dawgs to beat him and the Gators. When Matthew Stafford and (eventually) Tebow went pro, I wanted nothing more than to see Stafford have a better career. I still do. That being said, the fervor around the Tebow debate has become ludicrous. What other player has been told they could not succeed at this level by this many people, this often, for this long? What dog do any of these analysts have in this fight? They may be correct, but their pretentious and sanctimonious certainty reeks of elitism. I have no patience for that. Let him succeed or fail on the field. Then judge his career on its merits. Until then, shut up. You don't decide his fate. He does.

I hate the media for countless reasons. Liberal bias, Big Ten bias, anti-SEC bias, and overly dramatic puff pieces during pregame shows...that's all annoying. The one thing for which I'll never forgive the media: making me pull for Tim Tebow.

Republicans Hate Puppies

"I don't want to be jet fuel."

I've been fighting the urge to post on the debt ceiling debate because it makes me so angry and I can't possibly do all the lies told by Democrats justice in a few hundred words. To do so would require a huge post or multiple posts and I honestly don't want to write about it that much. And I doubt many of you want to read about it that much. But it is an important issue in which everyone should be engaged (at least beyond the superficial "all-politicians-suck-so-I-don't-vote-why-can't-they-just-compromise-I-wish-they'd-just-get-SOMETHING-done" response from Joe Schmoe in Times Square). So, here's my best effort at summing up what outrages me about the situation.

1. Obama and the Democrats are dishonest, lying, socialist tricksters that feast upon the stupidest people in our country. They COUNT on the uneducated and disengaged catching a soundbite here or a speech there and becoming incensed that this whole problem would just go away if the mean, nasty, rich Republicans would only think of the children that need scholarships instead of their fat cat corporate jet owner pals. His childish prime time speech the other night went something like this:

Obama: "My loyal subjects, let me be clear: I am the good guy just trying to help all you little people. The Republicans just refuse to let me help you because they hate you. Never mind that the proposed tax increase on corporate jet owners would not put a dent in a single percentage point of our national debt. Never mind that there are literally millions of other things and people the federal government can cut. It all comes down to a handful of selfish rich guys fueling their golden jets with cute, newborn puppies versus all our sweet, innocent children. It really is that simple, America. I mean, you don't hate babies, do you? Well, the Republicans do. And I like babies. And puppies. Do you like puppies, stupid, little boys and girls? I like puppies too. Republicans don't. Republicans want to punt extra puppies off bridges when their diamond-encrusted airplanes don't burn them all on their way to their money bonfires. I want to pet them and feed them and make sure no puppies ever die. Ever. Repeat after me: 'Republicans bad. Democrats good.' Now go call your congressmen and demand that they compromise the values you elected them to uphold. Because I said so. Thank you, and Obama bless...er...um...God bless the United States of......hmm...wait just a second...teleprompter went out.........are we live?......oh shoot......well, I've got a round of golf in Martha's Vineyard tomorrow morning, so I better run. Hey, Joe! Can you wrap this thing up for me? And try not to screw it up like you do everything else!"

(Vice President Joe Biden sprints to the podium and slicks back his thin, gray hair. He takes a deep breath, clears his throat, and belts out his best guess as to the ending of the President's speech).

Biden: "Sausage biscuit!...What?...What did I do?"

The oversimplification and condescension from this President and his cohorts is painfully clear. Americans should be insulted and demanding the whiny baby behind the big boy's desk step down.

2. Oh forget it. I guess I'll just make this into several posts no one will read.

Coke or Pepsi?

"Mr. President, we have a situation. The terrorists have really painted us into a corner this time. They demand an answer and millions of lives are at stake. We have three minutes to answer and all your vast foreign policy expertise and economic prowess is required of you. Please handle this question with great care, Mr. President. The future of the entire free world could depend on your answer to what otherwise might seem a trivial question: Coke or Pepsi?"

As a political junkie and staunch conservative, it would stand to reason that I would have marked the CNN Republican Presidential Primary Debate on my calendar and counted the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until the glorious moment. I didn't.

In all honesty, I was mildly interested and made a mental note of it last week, but for a number of reasons, it slipped my mind tonight. Maybe it was work, sorting out plans for the week and weekend, or maybe it was buying cat food and meeting up with a buddy to play guitar.

Having witnessed the last 30 or 45 minutes of the debate, I'm now convinced that it was none of the above. The trivial nonsense I pried my eyes open to witness a few minutes ago only made me regret regretting that I forgot to set my DVR. While I'm curious to see some highlights, I'm now thankful that I didn't subject myself to the full two-hour prank that was this CNN "debate."

I can almost appreciate CNN's efforts to keep the "action" moving, but question after question directed at one or two candidates, cutting each off almost immediately, and ultimately wasting valuable air time on questions like "Coke or Pepsi?" almost made me throw my friend's Fender Telecaster at my (thankfully) outdated TV.

Seriously? Three wars and you ask Tim Pawlenty "Coke or Pepsi?" Gas prices flirting with $4 a gallon and...Coke or Pepsi? Nine percent unemployment and...Coke...or...Pepsi? $14 TRILLION national debt and you think I give a crap what soft drink a candidate for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA prefers?

I should have known better. Apparently, deep down inside, I did (or else I'd have two hours of that crap wasting space on my DVR instead of invaluable episodes of Cheers, Smallville, and Swamp People). CNN, you owe me 45 minutes of precious life that I'll never recover. I've seen all I need to see of the hilarious joke you call "political coverage." Thanks for nothing, CNN. Next...

Trouble Sleeping? Read Sarah Palin's Email

Take 24,199 pages of these and call me in the morning.

Never mind for a moment that this suddenly eager media that is tripping and falling all over itself to investigate Sarah Palin's email (without a single credible allegation of wrongdoing, filing 600+ open records requests to sift through it the moment they heard her name three years ago) is the same media that REFUSED to investigate Barack Obama's relationship with admitted communist and domestic terrorist Bill Ayers. Never mind that this is the same media that ROLLED THEIR EYES at any questions raised about Obama's antisemitic, America-hating preacher of many years, Jeremiah Wright. Never mind even that this Palin-hunting media is the same one that just days ago INSISTED on shooting the messenger when someone else (Andrew Breitbart) did their job and investigated Anthony Weiner's inappropriate PUBLIC tweet (and subsequent false claims of hacking).

Never mind that the media's sudden interest in investigative journalism only applies to squeaky-clean, former conservative politicians that MIGHT run for office some day rather than those liberal ones that are obviously suspect and are actually in or seeking office. The only thing more unbelievable than the enthusiasm with which the liberal, mainstream media has dived into more than 13,000 of Sarah Palin's emails (24,199 pages-worth) is the fact that they're actually writing stories about the incredibly boring and uneventful contents of the emails (click here for a painfully comical example). I've never read more about less contained in more boxes of paper in my life.

Among the more riveting revelations: She did NOT pay for her daughters' tanning bed with state funds (shockingly to crooked liberals everywhere, she paid for it herself). She REMOVED alcohol from the governor's mansion at prom/graduation season rather than risk the temptation for the minors that may be in and out of her residence (rather than tweeting pictures of herself to them...cough cough).

Basically, countless media outlets are scouring 24,199 pages of Sara Palin's email, desperately seeking scandal, misappropriation of funds, and any remotely sharply-worded sentence in an effort to destroy her. Unfortunately for them, they have found absolutely nothing inappropriate to this point. Much to their frustration, they are only exposing that she consistently went an extra ten miles to be above reproach. Yet, they continue to write never-ending stories reporting non-scandals (though the length of the stories and coverage itself would seem to imply scandal, wouldn't it?). Oh yeah...and she appears to be a little suspicious of the media. Go figure.

Make no mistake: the story here is NOT the contents of the emails themselves. The story here IS the media frenzy to devour any and every word ever sent or received by a FORMER governor of Alaska--all with zero hint or suggestion that she has done anything wrong. Hey...at least they're finally investigating someone, right?

The media frenzy that took the nation by storm yesterday began with over 600 records requests from media outlets almost three years ago. Why?

Were explicit pictures sent out publicly from her Twitter account? No. And if such a thing ever happened, we now know with absolute "certitude" that the media would positively crucify any thug that dared investigate such a potential story (see Breitbart, Andrew).

Did she associate with known terrorists, kicking off campaigns in their living rooms? No. But we also know that such behavior raises nary an eyebrow from The New York Times, The Washington Post, MSNBC, CNN, or any of the major networks' news outfits. In fact, befriending violent socialists would apparently make her better suited for the office they are terrified she will pursue.

Did Sarah Palin spend two decades in a church with a racist, hate-mongering, socialist preacher? No. But if she did, there would certainly be no story there either. "Nothing to see here," they'd say. "And why are you being so nosey, Mr. Breitbart?"

No, Sarah Palin's crime was far worse than any social media scandal or questionable associations. Her crime was that she was selected as the Republican Vice Presidential candidate. Worse, she is a smart, successful, CONSERVATIVE woman. In the liberal world view, women are not supposed to be conservative (so much for diversity). And if they are, they are dismissed as dumb (so much for tolerance).

So, it stands to reason that a woman daring to be smart, conservative, AND a Vice Presidential candidate demands 24,199 times the scrutiny applied to the inappropriate relationships and lies of a Democrat congressman or the racist, socialist, and violent terrorist associates of the Democrat candidate for President of the United States.

The audacity of that woman...doesn't she know her place?

P90X Days 15-21: No, I Haven't Quit

Fat boy still sweatin'...

Sorry I haven't updated in a few weeks, but as you'll hopefully see over the next few days, I most certainly haven't quit and I've stayed relatively on track. I'm about a week and a half behind schedule because believe it or not, even I have a busy day every once in a while. If the generous folks that have offered to motivate me with various rewards feel that this disqualifies me, I understand, but I still fully intend to finish. If I do all 90 workouts in 100, 110, or even 120 days, I'll still be in the best shape of my life and that's worth something, right?

Since I have to get you up to speed on three or four weeks worth of workouts and unflattering pictures, I'm going to break it into one-week segments and try to post one every day or two until I'm caught up. I'll also try to keep text to a minimum for any specific workout I've already covered (which will mostly be the week this post covers--Week 3--and the week I'm actually finishing up right now: Week 6).

Most important non-workout related information: I lost a net of about 10 pounds in the first month, hit a bit of a wall with the weight loss (probably because I really got off schedule during weeks 4 and 5, only getting three or four of the six workouts in per week for several weeks), and just recently lost another 2 pounds for a total net of 12 pounds lost. Assuming I've gained any small amount of muscle, I like to think I've lost something close to 15 pounds of fat. Still a long way to go, but I don't think it's a bad start for someone that's a little off schedule and has only monitored his calorie intake for three or four of the seven plus weeks since I started.

Yep...still Christmas around here on Day 15 (mid-February).

Day 15: Chest, Back, and Abs: Week 3 was the same schedule as Weeks 1 and 2, so if you want to know more about this workout (and any of the ones below), please check out my previous P90X posts.

Still standing after my third round of Plyometrics on Day 16 (Plyo was the one that had me laying on the floor on Day 2).

Day 16: Plyometrics: Hated it the first two weeks, hated it here, and still hate it. But I hate it a little less every week.

Man, I'm hungry...on Day 17 and every day.

Day 17: Shoulders, Arms, and Abs: Except for the abs workout, I kind of like this day. Isn't it obvious?

Nothing like a fat, bearded guy dozing off while taking a picture of himself after celebrating Christmas in February with a little Yoga...Day 18 is in the books.

Day 18: Yoga: Still can't do everything in this workout (some of these positions and postures are just not fair), but getting better. I just wish it wasn't 90 minutes long...no wonder I couldn't hold my eyes open afterwards.

Day 19 might have produced the most sweat yet...I bet.

Day 19: Legs, Back, and Abs: Not a big fan of this one, but then again, I wouldn't call myself a big fan of any of them. Why am I doing this again?

No, I didn't just go swimming. I just finished Day 20. And yes, I keep clothes on my recliner nearly all the time. Clean or dirty? Your guess is as good as mine.

Day 20: Cardio (still subbing for Kenpo): Brian, the buddy that originated this fiasco and loaned me the DVDs and pull-up bar, was just here Tuesday night. Did he bring the Kenpo DVD? Of course not. At this point, I don't know if I want to do it anyway. If it ain't broke...

Day 21: Rest or X Stretch: Forgot to take a picture of myself on these rest days for the last few weeks (probably because I got a little too comfortable and took a few too many rest days lately...it made snapping a picture of myself sitting or lying down seem like a lot of work). Anyway, take my word for it. I rested.

Rain Man Goes Shopping Episode I: The Phantom Brake

Every legend has a beginning...A 1997 Honda Civic much as mine appeared, pristine and unblemished, 13 and a half years ago.

With rumors that certain readers would quit reading if I didn't post about something besides P90X soon (I'm looking at you, Adrienne), I decided to write something else about my own stupidity. Unfortunately, I haven't done anything too stupid since the Publix automatic door fiasco, so I had to dig deep down into the archives to unearth this gem. Many of you are familiar with this story, but it's probably worth re-telling. So, without further delay, I present to you the prequel to my Rain Man Goes Shopping post. Like most prequels, it is probably too long and is almost certainly not as good as the original, but if you lower your expectations, it might just be worth a read...

The setting is about 11 years (and 20 or 30 pounds) prior to the events of Rain Man Goes Shopping. There's a shopping center on South Milledge Avenue in Athens that used to include a Bi-Lo grocery store (I'm not sure what it is now, but I don't think it is even a grocery store). Apparently hungry one fateful afternoon of my junior year at UGA (1999-2000), I parked my (then two-year-old and still relatively newish) car maybe a third of the way across the rather large and about half-full parking lot from the store. My carefree, college version of myself strolled across the bright, sunny parking lot, entered Bi-Lo (without any awkwardness letting girls in or out that I remember), picked up my Doritos and Ramen Noodles or whatever, and headed back out the automatic door (again, without incident). As I got to my car, I realized that it wasn't there. Was I on the wrong row? Had I not gone far enough out into the parking lot yet?

I literally looked all around me in every direction, scratching my head and wondering if my car had been stolen or towed or what (my car was no stranger to parking violations even at such a young age). Eventually, all the way back at the back of the parking lot, I saw a car that looked a lot like mine facing me, but parked halfway over the curb. Still not convinced that this was my car (why would anyone move it back there?...and how?), I asked a guy in a cherry-picker near the back of the parking lot (working on a light post or something) if he had seen anyone move that car. This guy said it was there when he got there and probably proceeded to mock me under his breath.

Eleven years later, Ol' Bessie still bears the scars of that fateful day (among others). The dark puncture wounds almost directly above the tailpipe are the ones she suffered at Bi-Lo so long ago.

I walked cautiously up to the little red Civic as if I expected a friend or roommate to pop out with a paint ball gun or water balloons (and I'm still convinced a prank of this sort was more likely than the truth). This car had the exact same UGA, Dave Matthews, and Widespread Panic stickers as mine, all in the same locations. Okay, so now I was pretty sure it was mine (though I still didn't want to believe it). As I circled the car, I noticed it was parked inches short of one of the huge light posts (and its thick concrete base). Whoever did this obviously didn't want to hurt my car, but...why did they back it over...this curb...and...this...stop sign? What the? The back half of my car was resting on a bent-over stop sign!

Finally beginning to piece it together, my fears were confirmed when I got in and realized the parking brake was, in fact, not engaged. My poor car has a manual transmission and to this day, I have a terrible habit of not putting it in gear when I park it and relying solely on the parking brake. As I surveyed the parking lot one last time, I was struck by just how many cars were between me and where I had parked. The lot was by no means full, but I'd say it was at least half full and my car was somewhere in the middle of the mass of cars when I left it.

I can only imagine what other shoppers leaving Bi-Lo at this time (probably some smokin'-hot sorority girls) must have thought as they saw my completely aloof 20-year-old self get out of my car and casually and confidently walk towards the store as my car began its ever-so-slow creep towards destiny (and a dozen other cars, a light post or two, and a stop sign 50 yards away).

In the words of Barack Obama, let me be clear: this is not the story of a car that drifted in a straight line through an empty parking lot and landed harmlessly on a stop sign 50 yards away. If you were at the store facing the parking lot, I left it facing to the left and found it facing the store and a little to the right (again, 50 yards away at the back of the parking lot). This car went on a magical journey in a path that could only have been a massive arc--a tour of a half-full parking lot, if you will. I believe it was nothing short of a miracle that my baby found its way through an obstacle course of cars, trucks, SUVs, shopping carts, and huge light posts to its safe little perch atop the curb and stop sign at the back of the parking lot.

An extremely accurate artist's rendering of the scene of the miracle. Okay, so the last six cars this shows it evading weren't there, but the rest is pretty accurate as I recall. Red rectangle = my car. White rectangles = other cars.

As far as I could tell, the Civic defied all odds and navigated the challenge with only a single scratch (from the stop sign). It was the first noticeable body damage she sustained that I remember and now it blends in nicely with the missing passenger side mirror, several layers of dirt, leaky trunk, and faded, peeling paint. You never like to see something like this happen to your fairly new vehicle, but honestly, the stop sign damage actually prevented something more severe (hitting the light post) and hitting another car would have been infinitely worse. I counted myself lucky and got the heck out of Dodge.

Sadly, this would not be the last ridiculous adventure the '97 Honda Civic would have (and hopefully she continues to have them for a while longer), but I'll try to save some of the others for another post. Perhaps I'll dig up another when Adrienne threatens to quit reading again.

P90X Days 7-14: Man of Steel...and Chips and Syrup

That's right. I have a Superman shirt. Several, in fact. What's cooler than a 31-year old fat guy working out in a Superman shirt? A 31-year-old fat guy posting pictures of himself after working out on the Internet, that's what.

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I still don't want this to become strictly P90X pictures of myself, but I almost feel guilty posting about much else when I'm several days behind posting on P90X and I'm getting texts and emails asking for updates. Not much new to report except that my battle with Tony Horton (the P90X guy) continues. He really seems like a nice guy until he taunts you that there's a guy with a prosthetic leg in one of the first DVDs that is kicking your butt throughout the entire workout. Stupid Tony Horton and his gang of super-powered friends.

This post is mostly for the pictures to half-way prove that I haven't quit, but I confess that with company from out of town over the weekend, I got a little off schedule. For those of you that have a financial stake in this thing, I'll leave it up to you if you disqualify me for moving my second "rest day" up a couple days in the schedule and powering through 9 or 10 workouts before my next rest day. Sorry if I've let you down by not following the schedule exactly, but I felt the need to be honest and am pressing on in any case.

After Day 7's rest, I rested a little more with my good friends TV and Tostitos. Mmm...they never fail me.

Day 7: Rest. Not much to say here except that this is my favorite workout so far. I had an option to do the "X Stretch" DVD, but I figured I should pace myself. I think I handled this one nicely.

After Day 8's Chest & Back and Ab workouts, I was so disappointed in myself, I couldn't even face the camera.

Day 8: Chest & Back and Abs. Honestly, this was about a week ago and I don't remember much except the feeling of disappointment at the end. It's not that it was any harder than last time and it's not that I didn't make some small improvements. I guess I'm just not sure if I did my best that day. I could probably use more sleep and better nutrition. Though I'm closely monitoring caloric intake via Lance Armstrong's "Live Strong" Daily Plate website, I'm not really eating much better. Just less. More fruits and vegetables and less meat and cheese wouldn't hurt. But boy, do I love some meat and cheese...

This is what a fake smile after Plyometrics on Day 9 looks like. Last time I did this workout, I almost died on my living room floor. This time, I just almost died face down on my coffee table after taking this picture.

Day 9: Plyometrics. I really don't like Plyometrics. I think this is the DVD with the one-legged guy putting me to shame. I'd put the DVD in to double-check, but I'm afraid the one-legged wonder will come to life and beat me up. I'll let you know next time I do it.

Day 10 taught me that wearing a Superman shirt apparently doesn't make you any stronger.

Day 10: Shoulders & Arms and Abs. Easily still my favorite workout. The Abs one is always tough, but Shoulders & Arms is refreshing because I can actually do a lot of it without crying.

Day 11's late night Yoga apparently gave me a lazy eye.

Day 11: Yoga. P90X hits the road. Definitely the most difficult time I had getting started on a workout. As a busy weekend of work and out-of-town company began, I found myself doing Yoga at someone else's house well after midnight on Friday night. Under less than ideal conditions, I pried my eyes open with toothpicks, put the Yoga DVD into my laptop, and got to work. Still very challenging, but I was happy with some progress here and there.

Clearly, I did not enjoy my first workout after Saturday night's Bad Band session (if you don't know about Bad Band, count yourself lucky).

Day 12: Legs & Back and Abs. Not so terrible if I had been better rested. I do assure you that one-legged wall squats are more torturous than reading this or looking at picture after picture of me sweaty and miserable. I find myself getting better at the abs workout and enjoying a fair amount of it, but I HATE the very last exercise (Mason Twists I think they're called). It might not be so bad if it was the first one, but after 15 minutes of other ab stuff, it is KILLER. To make matters worse, I forgot about it this time and thought I was done after the leg climbs. I should have snapped a picture of my crushed spirit when stupid-face Tony Horton reminded me that not only was I not done, but that possibly my least favorite minute of the entire P90X experience (to date) was still ahead. Stupid Tony Horton.

Not much to say here. Tired and sweaty, but glad Day 13 wasn't Plyometrics.

Day 13: Cardio. Still no Kenpo DVD, so I subbed in Cardio again. I found out another friend of mine has the Kenpo DVD, so hopefully I'll see one of the two again soon and give it a shot. In the meantime, cardio is a welcome "break" only because it's 10 or 15 minutes shorter than everything else (30 shorter than days that include abs). The variety of activity wasn't as novel this time, but I did get better at it and I was thrilled to not be doing abs afterwards.

Knockin' back a few Auntie Js and watchin' some "Glee" as I rested on Day 14...I mean 12...I mean 14.

Day 14: Rest. I'm really getting the hang of this "rest" day. I could get used to this. Okay, so I really rested on Day 12, bumped everything up in the schedule, and took this picture today, but you get the idea.

Two down, eleven to go. Week Three started today. Stay tuned for another update very soon. And hopefully some topics besides P90X will find their way between the pictures of me sweating in different shirts in different corners of my living room.

P90X Days 4-6: Something Smells Like Updog

After Day 4's Yoga, something smelled like Updog. "What's 'Updog'?" you ask? Oh, nothing much. How about you?

So, I'm actually done with Day 8 and about to do Day 9 this afternoon, but I figured I'd go ahead and post on Days 4-6 now and 7-9 later tonight or tomorrow hopefully. I figured two shorter posts were better than one long one. So, on to the summaries.

Also after Day 4's Yoga, both this picture and the one above were unsuccessful attempts on my part to demonstrate my mastery of one of the easiest Yoga poses I learned: "Upward Dog"...or "Downward Dog"...or some kind of dog...I really don't remember, Dogg.

Day 4: Yoga. It sounded easy enough. Sit around with your legs crossed and stretch a little to some soundtrack of nature sounds. Maybe light some patchouli incense and form a hippie drum circle afterwards with some of my less hygienic friends or acquaintances. No big deal. Suffice it to say that I did not have much knowledge of nor respect for Yoga. This is no longer the case.

The first few poses were not so bad and actually felt kind of nice, stretching muscles I rarely use. "Upward Dog" for example, is the pose I tried to take a picture of myself doing because it was fairly easy. Unfortunately, the pose is essentially the top of a push-up (arms straight) with terrible form (head and chest up, back curved downward, hips and knees almost touching the floor) and therefore, not easy to take a picture of myself while demonstrating. After the first few minutes, the poses got increasingly more difficult and holding them for any length of time was every bit as challenging as the other workouts. To say the least, I was stunned to be dripping sweat just a few minutes into this workout (as early or earlier than in other workouts so far).

Some of the pose names still strike me as a little silly (Warrior One, Warrior Two, Reverse Warrior, Child's Pose, Sun Salutation, etc.), but the physical challenge behind many of them (lifting this leg, leaning that way, bending at the knee, getting as low as you can, holding one arm over your head and another straight behind you, keeping your head up, all while keeping your balance and maintaining good form for a certain amount of time) is NO JOKE. You definitely feel strain and stress in muscles that need it and with any consistency, should develop some flexibility.

By the end of the workout, I felt that I had won a few small battles and look forward to seeing what I can do better next time. All in all, a very challenging and educational workout that may have eliminated yoga references from all the hippie jokes from my comedic repertoire. Oh well. There are always granola and Toyota Prius references.

After Day 5, I felt like I had just run the Kentucky Derby.

Day 5: Legs and Back workout and Ab workout. Like everything so far, this workout tested me physically, but also mentally. I used to love doing leg workouts, but pretty much laid off most of them 8 or 10 years ago when my knees couldn't take the stress of some of them anymore. I don't recall my knees screaming out in pain at me during this workout, so either I didn't work hard enough or the workout itself is well-constructed to not cause permanent knee damage. In any case, there were a lot of moments (during wall squats in particular) that muscles were shaking and sweat was dripping and I could not think about anything in the world except how long another eight seconds sounded. Some of these exercises seemed like they would never end. To tell you the truth, I'm still not sure they've ended.

Ab workout, as usual, sucked. But I'm slowly getting better at it (I think).

After Day 6, I was quite winded and had the bright idea to take a picture of myself in agony from a different angle. Weights in background are larger than they appear.

Day 6: Kenpo--er--Cardio. Day 6 is supposed to be "Kenpo X" (some sort of martial-arts/self-defense/cardio-like workout), but Brian (the buddy that challenged me to do this in the first place and loaned me the DVDs and pull-up bar) forgot to include the Kenpo X DVD in the stuff he gave me. So, as a substitute, I did the Cardio workout (which is what he said he usually did anyway). I'm hoping to get the Kenpo DVD from him (or someone) at some point so that I have tried and done the whole program, but this will have to suffice for the first two or three weeks at least.

Cardio left me winded and drenched with sweat, but thankfully it was the shortest workout so far at about 43 minutes. It combined elements of some of the other workouts (some Yoga, some Kenpo, etc.), so it was actually kind of a fun mix and a nice change of pace. Definitely not as painful or mentally challenging as the others so far, but a good cardio workout nonetheless.

Stay tuned for Days 7-9...Rest/Stretch (guess which I chose), Chest and Back/Abs (again), and the one I've really dreaded repeating (and still have to do today): Plyometrics. Uh oh...

P90X Days 1-3: I Give Up

After Day 2, breathing what I was certain was my last breath.

Just kidding. I'm not giving up yet, but pretty much everything on me is sore. It hurts to straighten my arms. It hurts to bend my arms. It hurts to stand up. It hurts to sit down. It hurts to plop down into my little car. It hurts to gently roll myself out of it. It hurts to turn the (no power-steering) steering wheel in between. It hurts to squat down to pet a dog. It hurts to bend down to put the P90X DVD into the stupid DVD player that keeps working no matter how much I pray that it will not work one of these days. It hurts to pick up my laptop to tell all you fine people how much it hurts. In short, it hurts.

To be fair, I haven't really worked out in five or six months, so I'd probably be pretty sore three days into any workout routine worth a darn. Other people in decent shape would obviously not feel as bad as I do, but this is without a doubt the hardest I've ever worked out. And with the appropriate weights to challenge yourself on each exercise, it should prove painful to anyone trying to do this thing correctly. Most of the workouts are just under an hour long (50 to 60 minutes each) and for most of the 13 weeks, you add on the 16-minute ab workout three days a week.

For anyone not interested in the specifics of each day, I want to re-emphasize that this is not becoming strictly a P90X blog for the next 87 days. In fact, I suspect that once I've suffered through each of the 12 DVDs at least once, the P90X content will be scaled back significantly to include mostly pictures and measurement progress reports. We'll see. In any case, I promise to continue to deliver the same variety of content (that most people don't care to read) that I have always provided. Now, for a summary of each of the last three days...

Another Day 1 picture: My body was so angry at me after this workout that it was shaking. Holding the camera still was almost as tough as the workout.

Day 1: I know I already posted on Day 1, but all I did was explain why I'm doing this stupid thing. I didn't really say anything about Day 1's workout. It was the chest and back workout and the abs workout. Chest and back exercises were mostly various push-ups and pull-ups (12 different exercises, 2 sets each). I'll admit that after the first couple of sets, I was having to do the "easier" version of just about everything. The abs workout is a separate, short DVD (16 minutes) of non-stop ab exercises, most of which made me want to throw up. Thankfully, my fairly large gut would not allow me to complete the full range of motion on a number of these exercises. Without my trusty belly in the way, I would have almost certainly died. I'm gonna miss that protective layer when it's gone. );

Another Day 2 picture: As Miracle Max might put it, "Mostly dead."

Day 2: While Day 1 wore me out pretty well, Day 2 was significantly tougher. Plyometrics is what they called it. I've never heard of such a thing, but surely it's not any worse than all the push-ups and pull-ups that I failed to complete the day before, right? Wrong. They suggested the cardio DVD as an alternative for people not ready for plyometrics (which was probably me), but I wanted to give the real deal a shot. It seemed to serve much the same purpose as cardio, but it was much more jump-intensive. Not only did it bring further into focus just how out of shape I was, but it also made very obvious just how uncoordinated I've become. Not that I was ever a super athlete or anything, but I had decent hand-eye coordination and balance once upon a time. I could dribble and shoot a basketball half-way accurately sometimes. I could hit a baseball 16 or 18 years ago (a couple of times a season) or a softball 10 years ago. If nothing else, I could at least sort of keep my balance while running, jumping, turning, and squatting. Apparently, not so much anymore. All of this resulted in me lying on the floor wheezing and gasping for air at the end of this 58 minutes and 36 seconds of punishment. Can't wait for next time this workout shows up on the schedule (next Wednesday).

After Day 3: At least I could stand after this one.

Day 3: Shoulders and arms workout and the short little abs workout again. 15 different exercises, 2 sets each. Lots of curls, extensions, rows, dips, etc. While this definitely had its painful moments, I didn't hate it as much as the first two. It could be the fact that I need a wider selection of dumbbells (all of my sets seemed too heavy or too light after the first few sets) or it could be that this workout just isn't as bad as the first two. I'll definitely be buying another set or two of dumbbells in the next few days and I'll let you know if this one is as easy this time next week. I suspect it won't be. Abs was pretty miserable again, but the great thing is knowing that it doesn't last very long. I was pleasantly surprised to find myself getting the form down on some of these better. Like the plyometrics workout on Day 2, the abs workout requires some balance and coordination I haven't needed in a few years.

Up next: Yoga (something I thought I was less likely to do than spin class...oh well).

Dawgs Get Crowell...Dream Team Complete?

Making a statement: "My heart was at Georgia," said Crowell.

With the signing of Isaiah Crowell yesterday at 1:30 p.m., Georgia beat out Nick Saban and Alabama for the #1 (or 4 depending on what website you trust) running back in the country and may have completed their "Dream Team" recruiting class. However, one HUGE prize is still sitting out there waiting to sign. 340-pound, junior college defensive tackle John Jenkins will sign his letter of intent to play at Georgia, Florida, Miami, or Oklahoma State Saturday at 1:00 p.m.

Since Crowell capped off an already stellar group of players, most analysts and recruiting websites seem to have Georgia's 2011 recruiting class as a Top 5 class. Not only might Jenkins bump the Dawgs up a bit in the rankings (for whatever they're worth), but his mammoth size is something Georgia's defensive line could really use since transitioning to the 3-4 defense (sort of) under under Defensive Coordinator Todd Grantham.

Richt, Bobo, Grantham, Garner, etc. all deserve a TON of credit for building (what on paper appears to be) Richt's best class and holding it together after such a disappointing season. Skimming the Georgia blogs yesterday, it appeared that Richt has either won over or silenced most of his critics...for now. No doubt, he's still got to win games next year (at the very least 8 and probably 9) to keep his job, but it's nice to see most of the Dawg Nation united behind such a good guy and (recently) under-appreciated coach.

Quick summary of what the few recruits Georgia was still targeting (that I listed over the weekend) decided to do yesterday. For perspective, remember that the Dawgs signed 25 recruits yesterday, 13 of which were 4 or 5-star guys according to Rivals and almost all the rest 3-star guys (and other sites listed some of those 3 star guys like Turene as 4-star). All that's to say that getting or missing on most of these six didn't make or break this class, although Crowell certainly made it A LOT more exciting:

Crowell: signed with UGA. Hopefully he's a little more Knowshon than Jasper.

Jenkins: signing somewhere Saturday.

Pagan: signed with Bama. It sucks to lose one to Saban, but like I said the other day, we already had a couple of top notch DEs, so this doesn't surprise or sadden me too much.

Richardson: signed with Tennessee. It's where he was originally leaning and he flirted with the Dawgs at the last minute. I really would have liked to get him as the OL is one consistent weakness in recent years that our staff seems satisfied to primarily address with depth rather than 4 and 5-star guys. This was the only 4-star OL (according to Rivals) that we were pursuing. Other sites list some of our OL signees as 4-star guys though, so maybe he wasn't as crucial as I thought. Let's hope.

Turene: signed with UGA. He had been a USC commitment until just recently and the Dawgs' class got even better with him. A 3-star guy according to Rivals, other sites have him as a 4-star guy, so his signing might be a bigger deal than I thought it might be the other day. We needed linebackers and we got several that are projected to be very good.

Roberson: signed with Florida. I understood him to be the longest shot on the list, but he apparently gave Georgia a look. Already having the #1 and #3 cornerbacks in the country on our commitment list probably didn't help us land Roberson, the #2 cornerback in the country. It would have been a nice bonus to add him, but the Dawgs were not counting on him to address a need that the other two corners we signed shouldn't be able to handle (not to mention some of the "athletes" we signed will probably be defensive backs themselves).

So, of the six guys I mentioned the other day, the Dawgs have already landed two of the four most important with a chance to bring in one more (Jenkins) on Saturday. I never thought Pagan or Roberson were all that necessary given the similar players we'd already lined up, so the only miss on this list that I really wanted is Richardson. It will be interesting to see how Ray Drew and/or Sterling Bailey match up with Richardson when we face Tennessee over the next few years. Obviously, I hope they own him.

Again, like I said the other day, the Dawgs should be thankful to just land a couple of the six on this list. They've already done so in Crowell and Turene. Adding Jenkins is almost as important as getting Crowell since he should hopefully be able to make an impact pretty quickly (like Crowell hopefully will). All in all, this appears to have been a fantastic class that can still get even better. That it came after a 6-7 season makes it all the more remarkable. Go Dawgs.

OUCH!!! Fatso Starts P90X

Seconds after finishing P90X Day 1 yesterday: That's one tired fat boy. And yes, those are still Christmas decorations in the background.

Okay. I'm finally doing it. Yesterday, I started the relatively insane workout program P90X, but not because I really wanted to do it all that badly (which may not bode well for my likelihood of success). I didn't do it because I've regained the 25 pounds (plus another 7) that I lost in 2009. I did it mainly because I'm an idiot with too much time on my hands that can't stand to be told he can't do something.

If you know me, you know I'm not one to back down from a stupid challenge. If someone offers me $50 to drink a bowl of ranch dressing before a wedding, I do it. If I can get my picture on the wall of Miss Meg's Diner in Clayton, Georgia and go home with a t-shirt for eating a two-pound hamburger, I do it. If enough friends and co-workers insist that I can't eat more than a guy with zero percent body fat, I eat four pounds of lasagna to his three and a half, leave his kid crying because his daddy lost, and take a swig of ranch dressing in his face as he pukes in a trashcan in front of a bunch of our co-workers and students. That's just how I roll.

So, when my friend Brian offered me $70 if I could complete all 90 days of P90X (yes, that's less than $1 a day, but how much do you get paid to work out?), I reluctantly, sort of, eventually accepted the challenge. You see, he actually issued the challenge in November and as you may have noticed, it's now February. Why did it take me so long to get started? I think it's a combination of the fact that it's a much longer commitment than most of my challenges and the fact that there was no way I was going to eat right and exercise consistently over the holidays. I have no excuse for not starting in January other than the fact that I've been dreading this whole thing.

As a few other friends threw their hats into the "challenge Mike to do something really stupid that he probably won't really do" ring, one (Rob) even suggested I set it up like a jog-a-thon where people make pledges of a dollar (or whatever) per day that I stick with it. I don't know that I'll go that far, but it is not a bad idea. Honestly, the straw that broke the camel's back might have been Mary Charles (my friend and business partner) cutting a deal with me that if I don't finish P90X, I have to go to spin class with her. Let me tell you, if there is one thing that sounds less fun to me than riding a bike for an hour at a time, it is PRETENDING to ride a bike for an hour at a time with booming techno music and a guy in spandex yelling at me. No thanks. I'll take the money and the 90 days of torture.

In any case, I've run from it about as long as I can. Enough friends and family know about the challenge now that I have to at least try. And just for a little added motivation, I'm going to update my blog with my P90X progress so that everyone I know has an opportunity to mock me if I give up. Maybe a few of you will actually encourage me. The end results should be motivation enough, but that reward is so far away compared to my previous accomplishments and there's not much fun about the process to me.

This is no ranch dressing or lasagna. At least those taste good at first.

First Dawg to Make Me Smile In Months

With Pollack after the announcement, Drew will supposedly wear Pollack's legendary #47.

More on Ray Drew, Georgia's HUGE 5-star defensive end commitment from yesterday...

I'll admit that I didn't know what to make of this kid when I first heard about all the fun he was having toying with all the media and recruiting nuts via Facebook and Twitter. At one point a week or so ago, he supposedly posted that Auburn and Georgia were both out of the running (though during his announcement yesterday, he admitted he'd settled on UGA two or three weeks ago) and that he'd "shock the world" with a completely unexpected decision (as I mentioned yesterday). He also posted something suggesting that he "hated red" and was coming after (UGA 4-star quarterback commitment) Christian LeMay. Then, I heard that he had wanted his announcement to be at a school-wide assembly (the school let him have a pretty decent sized gathering in a conference room with the whole school watching via closed-circuit TV).

It almost rubbed me the wrong way. "Who does this kid think he is?" I wondered. As a former teacher often outraged by trivial, non-academic disruptions by the very administrators that insisted my job hinged on test scores and teaching "bell-to-bell," a school assembly (or TV broadcast) during the instructional day for one student to announce his college decision seems a little ridiculous. You can't do it for everyone and it seems unfair (and a little exploitative, honestly) to do it for a few athletes, but I know that's how these things go and I digress. More to the point, as a Dawg fan, I began to wonder if this kid was just another arrogant, selfish diva that would soon begin a disappointing career with a DUI over the summer and a bar fight in the fall.

Of course, all of that is still a possibility, but I feel A LOT better about this kid's attitude after watching his announcement video (link below, but more of my thoughts first). I had hoped he was just being a kid and having some harmless fun and I think his comments and demeanor in the video suggest just that. I'm really glad I watched this and I recommend all Georgia fans watch this video for several reasons:

1. He is one of the highest ranked recruits at any position in the nation and he has committed to Georgia, instantly becoming the crown jewel of an already excellent recruiting class. If that doesn't make it worth watching to the average Georgia fan, you're not the average Georgia fan. But trust me, if you're as disgusted and sour as most of the Georgia fans I know, this video should lift your spirits a little and remind you of why it's still great to be a Georgia Bulldog.

2. More importantly, from a recruiting standpoint, you can see the immediate impact he is making and the tremendous potential for leadership he has. He's not wearing a Georgia hat more than a couple of minutes before he challenges Georgia's last few undecided targets. If you're a top recruit seriously considering Georgia, I don't see how you don't respond positively to this kid's challenge.

3. MOST importantly, it puts a human face on the recruiting process and the athletes we cheer and jeer every fall Saturday. If you're like me, you often forget that these are just kids. Really, really big, fast, and strong kids, but kids all the same. This monster of a physical specimen that has been the subject of endless internet speculation by middle-aged (and old) men around the country suddenly becomes a kid barely old enough to drive. I couldn't help but picture countless former students of mine. Imagining them in the same situation would be simultaneously exciting and gut-wrenching. Sure, I'd want my student that happened to be a superstar athlete to go to Georgia, but ultimately, I'd want the best for him. If Georgia wasn't the right fit, I'd respect that and be happy for him wherever he went (especially if my hypothetical student had the character the people in this video suggest that Drew does). Anyway, I can't begin to relate to the excitement and pressure these kids experience in the recruiting process, but you can certainly get a taste of both as you hear this kid's voice shake through much of his remarks, see him have just a little more fun with it, and feel the weight lifted as he finally lets it all out.

So, if you're in a hurry (why are you still reading?) and just want to see the actual announcement and him challenging undecided recruits to commit to Georgia, start watching around the 3:40 mark and watch to about the 6-minute mark (just before Godfrey and Pollack speak).

However, I HIGHLY recommend taking the time to watch from the beginning if you want to experience some of the suspense and have an even bigger grin on your face when he finally makes the announcement. The first six minutes will undoubtedly renew some pride for any Dawgs still disheartened by the 2010 season. I believe it also gives you a bit more perspective on just how difficult these decisions are for some of these kids as he describes a little of what he liked about each school and the very real relationships he built with the people at each. It's a good problem to have, to be sure, but it's never fun to disappoint people. Unless they're Gators. Or Nerds.

The rest of the video (former Dawgs and NFL players Randall Godfrey and David Pollack quickly speaking about Drew's character, etc. and Drew fielding questions from the crowd) is worth watching if you have time and it gives the impression that he really is a good kid. Amid cries that the program is "out of control" or that we have "character problems," it is refreshing to see our biggest recruit appears to be a good kid and is saying the right things. Here's hoping he backs it up on the field and in the locker room and that he brings some of the character, work ethic, and leadership that this program needs.

If you missed the link to his announcement in the text above, here it is again:

http://www.schooltube.com/video/1ce0c7d4cea654a91275/Ray-Drew-Announces

Oh yeah...he's also pretty good at football:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFpCeg2lnLc&feature=player_embedded#

I simply can't imagine being the high school kid tasked with blocking that #99 kid that's about to be a star at Georgia (hopefully). It just doesn't seem fair. Go Dawgs.

Dawgs Got Him...Who's Next, Coach?

For those that don't know, Drew committed to being a Dawg today (none of it is official until National Signing Day this coming Wednesday). Good for him and good for the Dawgs. Every bit of momentum helps as the Dawgs make their final push to reel in a Top 5 recruiting class.

Go to Rivals or Scout to check out the tremendous list of commitments already promised to the Dawgs. The list already includes the #1 weakside defensive end, the #1 and #3 cornerbacks, the #4 quarterback, the #4 tight end, the #5 safety, and the #8 strongside defensive end in the country, not to mention some seemingly solid four-star guys at other key spots like linebacker and wide receiver and nice depth provided by plenty of three-star guys. Most importantly, it looks like a lot of needs are being filled. Here's a quick summary of the last few big targets on the Dawgs' radar, roughly in order of likelihood (as I understand it from bloggers that follow recruiting much closer than me):

Isaiah Crowell: Considered by many to be the #1 running back in the country this year. From Columbus, GA, he's down to Georgia and Alabama. Most of what I've read has him leaning toward the Dawgs, but then again, I'm mostly reading Georgia blogs. I'm sure there are as many Bama blogs insisting he's coming to them. Between the fact that Ealey and King have underwhelmed and the fact that Georgia doesn't have a commitment from a running back yet (though Ken Malcome, redshirted last year, is supposed to be talented), Crowell could supposedly contribute immediately. Obviously, nobody is a sure thing, but this is a guy everyone seems to really want. I'm sure there's a reason. He's expected to make his official announcement on National Signing Day at 1:30 on ESPNU.

Johnathan Jenkins: Already playing at Gulf Coast Community College, this 340-pound monster of a defensive tackle would fit PERFECTLY into Grantham's 3-4 defense. Simply because there is no one close to his size on Georgia's roster at this time, he might be more important to Georgia's immediate future (and therefore Mark Richt's immediate future) than anyone in this class. He's choosing between Georgia, Florida, Miami, and Oklahoma State next Saturday (three days after National Signing Day) at 1:00.

Jeoffrey Pagan: The #4 strongside defensive end in the country just de-committed from Clemson and supposedly Drew (today's commit, UGA's only 5-star commit so far, the #1 weakside defensive end in the country, and the #9 player overall in the country...according to Rivals anyway) was helping to "recruit" him to Georgia just before he backed out of his Clemson commitment recently. He'd be a great addition to the class and you can never have too much talent. That said, we already have Sterling Bailey (the #8 strongside defensive end in the country), so that may make Pagan less likely to sign and frankly, less crucial. As far as I can tell, he'd be a nice bonus at this point. His decision is scheduled for 9 a.m. Wednesday.

Antonio Richardson: The #7 tackle in the country and not one the Dawgs were thought to be seriously in the hunt for until recently. If I had one nit to pick with this year's "Dream Team" (as the coaches have taken to calling this year's UGA recruiting class), it is a lack of big-time offensive line prospects. To be fair, the Dawgs have commitments from six offensive lineman (a huge step in the right direction over some classes that even lacked quantity) and one of them is the #9 center in the country. That said, while the number of stars by a kid's name doesn't guarantee productivity, it is a solid predictor of the likelihood of success. Even when Georgia supposedly has an "experienced" offensive line like this past season, they more often than not underperform. Look where these guys were ranked coming out of high school and you find that most of them didn't even crack the top 25 at their position. If we can get top talent everywhere else, why not along the line? Obviously, there's a lot more to it than stars or career starts, but there is no doubt in my mind that we have not pulled in the talent (according to Scout, Rivals, etc....professionals in the area...goodness knows I'm not one) on the offensive line that we have at the skill positions and it shows. All this is to say that Richardson, the only four star offensive lineman we're pursuing that I know of, would be a very comforting addition to the class. Though he was thought to be a likely Tennessee recruit, he took a visit to Athens recently and the Dawgs are trying to land him pretty seriously. We still might not be the front runner, but his will be one of the more interesting decisions for me when he signs somewhere on Wednesday.

Kent Turene: Three-star inside linebacker (#18 in the country) is already a "soft" commitment to USC (Trojans, not Chickens). Dawgs have apparently been recruiting him pretty intensely lately though. With only a couple of linebackers committed (though both are four-star guys), the depth added by Turene would be nice. Not holding my breath, but we'll see.

Marcus Roberson: #2 cornerback in the country and already a "soft" commitment to Texas Tech. Even though we already have commitments from Mitchell and Swann (#1 and #3 cornerbacks in the country), the Dawgs can never have too much talent in the secondary. The thought of the Dawgs having too much talent in the secondary just made me laugh a little to myself. I just can't even fathom such a thing. In any case, he's probably the longest shot on this list for the Dawgs and for obvious reasons, not critical. But a Dawg can dream, can't he?

Realistically, based on previous recruiting classes, the Dawgs should be thankful to land just a couple of these remaining six. Heck, this class already appears to be as good as or better than most in the Richt era (on paper at least). In a perfect world, we land all six (though I'm not sure we have enough scholarships for them all). Crowell and Jenkins are the most important and most likely in my mind, but I'd really like to get Richardson as well (I'm not getting my hopes up though). While he may be the least highly touted on the above list, we might need the depth added by Turene more than Pagan or Roberson. Pagan and Roberson would just be the icing on the cake. There is something to be said for momentum though and if the last couple of weeks are any indication, the Dawgs could close REALLY strong next week.

Shocking the World

Over the next few days, Georgia should be putting the finishing touches on possibly their finest football recruiting class ever. Already a Top 10 class according to the most respected recruiting services, several huge fish are still out there and considering the Dawgs' bait. Because I haven't followed it as obssessively as many on the Internets, I couldn't begin to offer much new on the specifics of each kid.

I do know that one of the biggest fish is about to commit somewhere. Ray Drew is a five-star defensive end that every coach in the country has been drooling over and he announces his commitment at 10 a.m. Friday. Like a lot of these kids, he has toyed with fans and the media through Twitter and Facebook posts about loving and hating nearly every school that has recruited him. He recently claimed that he would "shock the world" by choosing someone completely unexpected (as if anyone outside of college coaches and rabid, middle-aged SEC fans know who he is or care where he goes...but he's a kid and he's having fun...I get that).

Most seem to consider the Dawgs the leaders to sign him next Wednesday and I hope they are. It sounds like he could make a sorely needed impact on the defensive line pretty early. He may even be a key to keeping the snowball rolling downhill and picking up the #1 runningback in the the country Isaiah Crowell and the other three to five big fish out there. But if he's not a Dawg (or the rest of them, for that matter), it's not the end of the world. I've said it a million times: if they don't want to be a Dawg, we're better off without them. But I really hope he wants to be a Dawg.

Rain Man Goes Shopping

So, I'm leaving the grocery store with my one bag of groceries and am approaching the exit just slightly ahead of a young lady. Gentleman that I am, I slow down to let her go through the door first. With her now just slightly out of my peripheral vision, I wonder why she hasn't gone around me yet. So, I stop dead in my tracks just before getting to the door to let her go around me, but for some reason, she's still not passing me. When I turn to see if she's on her way or being mugged or what, I see that she has stopped to look at something else.

Just as I start to go through the door again, I notice that another lady has almost run into me as I tried to be polite to someone else. I'm now blocking her path to the exit and should extend the same courtesy to her I just extended to the now distracted bystander. In another botched attempt to be a gentleman, I stop almost completely in the doorway to let lady number two go around and naturally, I proceed to clumsily drop my keys. With my keys now almost exactly in the middle of the open doorway and an angry mob forming behind me, I had no choice but to bend down for my keys and take up the entire exit for what felt like an eternity.

As the episode spiraled out of control, it all seemed to slow down like a scene from The Matrix. As I bent down in slow motion, I couldn't help but wonder how this was about to get worse. Was one of my shoes about to come off? Were my pants about to split? Were the automatic doors about to close on my head repeatedly as hot girl after hot girl walked by, pointed, and laughed? Fortunately, I dodged all of the above and got out of there with what was left of my dignity. Even so, guess who's not going to the East Side Publix for a while. This guy:

Back in the Saddle!

After a four-month hiatus, you will all be relieved to know that I am reviving your favorite blog. Why now? Maybe it's four months of outrage at Georgia football, government, and the media. Maybe it's because my interest in football for this season died with the Falcons' "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" playoff run. Maybe it's because I just got internet at my house for the first time in two years. Whatever the reason(s), I intend to inform and entertain you, my three loyal readers, more frequently. Look for my next post in no less than four months!