Republicans Hate Puppies

"I don't want to be jet fuel."

I've been fighting the urge to post on the debt ceiling debate because it makes me so angry and I can't possibly do all the lies told by Democrats justice in a few hundred words. To do so would require a huge post or multiple posts and I honestly don't want to write about it that much. And I doubt many of you want to read about it that much. But it is an important issue in which everyone should be engaged (at least beyond the superficial "all-politicians-suck-so-I-don't-vote-why-can't-they-just-compromise-I-wish-they'd-just-get-SOMETHING-done" response from Joe Schmoe in Times Square). So, here's my best effort at summing up what outrages me about the situation.

1. Obama and the Democrats are dishonest, lying, socialist tricksters that feast upon the stupidest people in our country. They COUNT on the uneducated and disengaged catching a soundbite here or a speech there and becoming incensed that this whole problem would just go away if the mean, nasty, rich Republicans would only think of the children that need scholarships instead of their fat cat corporate jet owner pals. His childish prime time speech the other night went something like this:

Obama: "My loyal subjects, let me be clear: I am the good guy just trying to help all you little people. The Republicans just refuse to let me help you because they hate you. Never mind that the proposed tax increase on corporate jet owners would not put a dent in a single percentage point of our national debt. Never mind that there are literally millions of other things and people the federal government can cut. It all comes down to a handful of selfish rich guys fueling their golden jets with cute, newborn puppies versus all our sweet, innocent children. It really is that simple, America. I mean, you don't hate babies, do you? Well, the Republicans do. And I like babies. And puppies. Do you like puppies, stupid, little boys and girls? I like puppies too. Republicans don't. Republicans want to punt extra puppies off bridges when their diamond-encrusted airplanes don't burn them all on their way to their money bonfires. I want to pet them and feed them and make sure no puppies ever die. Ever. Repeat after me: 'Republicans bad. Democrats good.' Now go call your congressmen and demand that they compromise the values you elected them to uphold. Because I said so. Thank you, and Obama bless...er...um...God bless the United States of......hmm...wait just a second...teleprompter went out.........are we live?......oh shoot......well, I've got a round of golf in Martha's Vineyard tomorrow morning, so I better run. Hey, Joe! Can you wrap this thing up for me? And try not to screw it up like you do everything else!"

(Vice President Joe Biden sprints to the podium and slicks back his thin, gray hair. He takes a deep breath, clears his throat, and belts out his best guess as to the ending of the President's speech).

Biden: "Sausage biscuit!...What?...What did I do?"

The oversimplification and condescension from this President and his cohorts is painfully clear. Americans should be insulted and demanding the whiny baby behind the big boy's desk step down.

2. Oh forget it. I guess I'll just make this into several posts no one will read.