Coke or Pepsi?

"Mr. President, we have a situation. The terrorists have really painted us into a corner this time. They demand an answer and millions of lives are at stake. We have three minutes to answer and all your vast foreign policy expertise and economic prowess is required of you. Please handle this question with great care, Mr. President. The future of the entire free world could depend on your answer to what otherwise might seem a trivial question: Coke or Pepsi?"

As a political junkie and staunch conservative, it would stand to reason that I would have marked the CNN Republican Presidential Primary Debate on my calendar and counted the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until the glorious moment. I didn't.

In all honesty, I was mildly interested and made a mental note of it last week, but for a number of reasons, it slipped my mind tonight. Maybe it was work, sorting out plans for the week and weekend, or maybe it was buying cat food and meeting up with a buddy to play guitar.

Having witnessed the last 30 or 45 minutes of the debate, I'm now convinced that it was none of the above. The trivial nonsense I pried my eyes open to witness a few minutes ago only made me regret regretting that I forgot to set my DVR. While I'm curious to see some highlights, I'm now thankful that I didn't subject myself to the full two-hour prank that was this CNN "debate."

I can almost appreciate CNN's efforts to keep the "action" moving, but question after question directed at one or two candidates, cutting each off almost immediately, and ultimately wasting valuable air time on questions like "Coke or Pepsi?" almost made me throw my friend's Fender Telecaster at my (thankfully) outdated TV.

Seriously? Three wars and you ask Tim Pawlenty "Coke or Pepsi?" Gas prices flirting with $4 a gallon and...Coke or Pepsi? Nine percent unemployment and...Coke...or...Pepsi? $14 TRILLION national debt and you think I give a crap what soft drink a candidate for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA prefers?

I should have known better. Apparently, deep down inside, I did (or else I'd have two hours of that crap wasting space on my DVR instead of invaluable episodes of Cheers, Smallville, and Swamp People). CNN, you owe me 45 minutes of precious life that I'll never recover. I've seen all I need to see of the hilarious joke you call "political coverage." Thanks for nothing, CNN. Next...