OUCH!!! Fatso Starts P90X

Seconds after finishing P90X Day 1 yesterday: That's one tired fat boy. And yes, those are still Christmas decorations in the background.

Okay. I'm finally doing it. Yesterday, I started the relatively insane workout program P90X, but not because I really wanted to do it all that badly (which may not bode well for my likelihood of success). I didn't do it because I've regained the 25 pounds (plus another 7) that I lost in 2009. I did it mainly because I'm an idiot with too much time on my hands that can't stand to be told he can't do something.

If you know me, you know I'm not one to back down from a stupid challenge. If someone offers me $50 to drink a bowl of ranch dressing before a wedding, I do it. If I can get my picture on the wall of Miss Meg's Diner in Clayton, Georgia and go home with a t-shirt for eating a two-pound hamburger, I do it. If enough friends and co-workers insist that I can't eat more than a guy with zero percent body fat, I eat four pounds of lasagna to his three and a half, leave his kid crying because his daddy lost, and take a swig of ranch dressing in his face as he pukes in a trashcan in front of a bunch of our co-workers and students. That's just how I roll.

So, when my friend Brian offered me $70 if I could complete all 90 days of P90X (yes, that's less than $1 a day, but how much do you get paid to work out?), I reluctantly, sort of, eventually accepted the challenge. You see, he actually issued the challenge in November and as you may have noticed, it's now February. Why did it take me so long to get started? I think it's a combination of the fact that it's a much longer commitment than most of my challenges and the fact that there was no way I was going to eat right and exercise consistently over the holidays. I have no excuse for not starting in January other than the fact that I've been dreading this whole thing.

As a few other friends threw their hats into the "challenge Mike to do something really stupid that he probably won't really do" ring, one (Rob) even suggested I set it up like a jog-a-thon where people make pledges of a dollar (or whatever) per day that I stick with it. I don't know that I'll go that far, but it is not a bad idea. Honestly, the straw that broke the camel's back might have been Mary Charles (my friend and business partner) cutting a deal with me that if I don't finish P90X, I have to go to spin class with her. Let me tell you, if there is one thing that sounds less fun to me than riding a bike for an hour at a time, it is PRETENDING to ride a bike for an hour at a time with booming techno music and a guy in spandex yelling at me. No thanks. I'll take the money and the 90 days of torture.

In any case, I've run from it about as long as I can. Enough friends and family know about the challenge now that I have to at least try. And just for a little added motivation, I'm going to update my blog with my P90X progress so that everyone I know has an opportunity to mock me if I give up. Maybe a few of you will actually encourage me. The end results should be motivation enough, but that reward is so far away compared to my previous accomplishments and there's not much fun about the process to me.

This is no ranch dressing or lasagna. At least those taste good at first.