Rain Man Goes Shopping

So, I'm leaving the grocery store with my one bag of groceries and am approaching the exit just slightly ahead of a young lady. Gentleman that I am, I slow down to let her go through the door first. With her now just slightly out of my peripheral vision, I wonder why she hasn't gone around me yet. So, I stop dead in my tracks just before getting to the door to let her go around me, but for some reason, she's still not passing me. When I turn to see if she's on her way or being mugged or what, I see that she has stopped to look at something else.

Just as I start to go through the door again, I notice that another lady has almost run into me as I tried to be polite to someone else. I'm now blocking her path to the exit and should extend the same courtesy to her I just extended to the now distracted bystander. In another botched attempt to be a gentleman, I stop almost completely in the doorway to let lady number two go around and naturally, I proceed to clumsily drop my keys. With my keys now almost exactly in the middle of the open doorway and an angry mob forming behind me, I had no choice but to bend down for my keys and take up the entire exit for what felt like an eternity.

As the episode spiraled out of control, it all seemed to slow down like a scene from The Matrix. As I bent down in slow motion, I couldn't help but wonder how this was about to get worse. Was one of my shoes about to come off? Were my pants about to split? Were the automatic doors about to close on my head repeatedly as hot girl after hot girl walked by, pointed, and laughed? Fortunately, I dodged all of the above and got out of there with what was left of my dignity. Even so, guess who's not going to the East Side Publix for a while. This guy: